A Countdown To Barrett
by Carbuncle
Summary: There's only one thing Barrett wants for his birthday...


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
A Countdown To Barrett  
  
"There! All done!" Tifa said, as she admired the chocolate cake she'd made especially for Barrett's birthday.  
  
"Can I lick the bowl, Aunt Tifa?" Marlene asked, with a cheeky grin on her face.  
  
"Of course you can." Tifa smiled and handed the bowl she'd used to mix the chocolate in to Marlene. "Just don't mention this to your Dad, okay? You know he doesn't like you eating junk food before meals."  
  
"Okee," Marlene giggled, as she licked the bowl.  
  
"Mmm... something smells good," Cloud smirked, as he entered the kitchen. "Wow! Chocolate cake!"  
  
Cloud reached over to grab the cake. Tifa quickly managed to whip it away from his grasp though.  
  
"Hey!" Cloud growled. "What's the big idea?!"  
  
"That cake is for Barrett," Tifa explained. "It's his birthday tomorrow, remember?"  
  
"...no," Cloud slurred. "Now gimmie, gimmie, gimmie!"  
  
He tried to swipe the cake from Tifa's hands, as she kept him back. "Down boy! Down!"  
  
"But I want the cake!"  
  
"If you behave nicely, then I'll give you some scraps of food from last night's dinner," Tifa said. "There were plenty of leftovers."  
  
"No wonder!" Cloud scoffed. "It was Cid's cookin'!"  
  
"Look Cloud," Tifa begun, "just stay away from this cake, alright? You'll get a piece tomorrow if you're good."  
  
"Tch... fine!" Cloud sulked.  
  
The next day, the whole party had gathered at 7th Heaven for Barrett's birthday party. The man himself sat at the table with a pointy party hat on his head.  
  
"Happy birthday, Barrett!" Tifa said, as she placed the chocolate cake down in front of him.  
  
"Aw... thanks," Barrett said, as he eyed up the cake.  
  
"Shouldn't that be 'eyed up Tifa's jugs'?" Red XIII laughed.  
  
"What the hell you talkin' 'bout?!" Barrett yelled.  
  
"I've read this story before, that's all," Red XIII said.  
  
"Wha?!" Barrett stared at him in confusion.  
  
"Forget it," Red XIII said.  
  
"Ah... if only Aeris were alive to join in this wonderful celebration," Cloud sighed. "How old're you now, Barrett? Fourty-eight?"  
  
"Ya damn fool - I'm thirty-six!" Barrett retorted.  
  
"Well, it looks like everyone's birthday's are over for this year," Tifa said. "Haven't they come and gone quick?"  
  
"Hey, I haven't had a birthday yet!" Cait Sith cried.  
  
"That's 'cause you're a damn stuffed toy," Cid said.  
  
"Man, I can't wait for my next birthday," Yuffie squealed, as she rubbed her hands with excitement.  
  
"You'll be waitin' a long time then, ho," Barrett said, "'cause I don't think any of us'll be gettin' another birthday anytime soon."  
  
"I believe Barrett may be right," Vincent agreed.  
  
"Screw you guys," Yuffie moaned. "We're not stuck in some kinda time warp, y'know."  
  
"Yes, but don't you think it's weird how we've only this year began to age?" Cloud inquired.  
  
"Yeah, up until my last birthday in February, I'd felt like I'd been thirty-two forever!" Cid squarked.  
  
"Don't be silly, Cid," Tifa said. "You have not been thirty-two forever. That's impossible."  
  
"Ya, I know. I'm thirty-three now," Cid said. "I just meant up until I turned thirty-three..."  
  
"Do you guys know how confusin' all this sounds?!" Yuffie shouted, as she got up. "I'm outta here! Oh, and, uh, enjoy your birthday!"  
  
"What's up her ass?" Cloud wondered, as Yuffie left the bar.  
  
"Looks like some kind of dildo..." Cid said, as he squinted to get a better view of Yuffie's behind. Barrett wiped a tear from his eye.  
  
"What's the matter with you?" Cloud asked.  
  
"It's jus'... well, I kinda miss my ol' pals Biggs, Wedge and Jessie," Barrett sniffed. "I'd have loved it if they coulda been here today. They've celebrated every single birthday with me in the past... and now they're all dead."  
  
Cloud stood up from the table. "Well that's where you're wrong, Barrett, because today, courtesy of Carbuncle, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for, former AVALANCHE members, Biggs, Wedge and Jessie!"  
  
The Turks - Reno, Rude and Elena - all wheeled three coffins into the bar. They then opened up each coffin to reveal the dead bodies of Biggs, Wedge and Jessie inside.  
  
"Is-Is this some kinda sick joke?!" Barrett howled.  
  
"No," Cloud said. "Happy birthday, Barrett Wallace!"  
  
"Waaaaaaa!!" Barrett screamed.  
  
THE END__________ 


End file.
